My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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