Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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