I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
