What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My room smells like vodka and shame
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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