He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
