Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
