I'm so fucking centered right now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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