So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
