he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
