I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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