fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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