Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
