i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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