I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
