thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
