He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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