I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
