whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
