I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
