Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
