State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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