I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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