You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
