Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
