She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
