just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
PS: I just woke up from my shower
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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