I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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