I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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