WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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