Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I only lived at night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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