the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
