about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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