Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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