Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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