the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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