That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
