Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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