I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
