Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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