yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
