Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
