So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
