Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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