the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize