New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
