Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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