He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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