I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
