the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
