Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
