He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
