Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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