Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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