even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
