If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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