Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize