just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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