The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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