What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
