i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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