On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the condom got lost in my hair
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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