Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
