It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
